Might I have depression? This is the thought that roamed through my head tonight after awaking from a 6-8pm nap. Today was the second-to-last day of school and my whole body has been aching after getting terribly burnt from an exciting weekend at the Jersey Shore.
When I awoke I found myself without motivation, and wishing to remain in bed and just lay there for the rest of the night. Sure, maybe I'm exhausted from my weekend activities and the end of my first year teaching. But when I finally jarred myself out of the bed I found that I was too lazy to make anything for dinner, too lazy to even attempt a one page response I have to write for my class that just ended (already a day late), basically too lazy to do anything. And this seems to have become a trend of mine over the past few months - increased exhaustion and a sharp increase in my lack of motivation.
Nothing seems to interest me anymore that doesn't involve my bed. I spend my time either sitting here in my computer chair or laying in bed. I have a couch I bought that I never sit on, and a kitchen that I never eat in. My library books that I was so excited to get have gone unread, my to-do list that is a mile long goes un-done, and my return to Boston is creeping ever closer.
Tomorrow I will have officially finished my first year teaching. I keep telling myself that no matter what comes next, it can only get better - you never have to go through your first year ever again - and the skills I learned this year will make any consecutive years better. The end of school trip on Friday to an amusement park was really the cherry on top of a great year (leaving aside TFA and Mastery problems) with my kids. All the kids went crazy for the trip. Saturday I went to the Jersey Shore with two friends and we had a blast going to the beach, eating seafood, and hanging out at my friend's beautiful beach apartment. It was the perfect weekend - aside from this incredible sunburn I got yesterday at the beach that covers my entire chest - and is extremely painful!
My outlook on my imminent return to Boston is positive. I'm excited to be near friends and family and finally living in the city as I've always wanted to. I can finally have it all - the beach nearby, the BPL, my amazing friends whenever I want to see them and not missing out when they get together, and visiting my family whenever I feel (without having to live with them!). If I keep those thoughts in the forefront of my mind, I know that I can make the best of not having a job starting out.
Now, I need to make sure that I go in tomorrow with a clear head and an optimistic outlook. I want to end the year on a strong note and be sure to show the kids that they meant the world to me this past year and that I couldn't have asked for a better group to teach.