Monday, July 11, 2011

Genus: Bro Dude

Rant coming in which I blame straight women for the number one evil in America: the bro dude. I'm sure these specimens exist in other countries around the world, but the American bro dude is in a class all his own. Not to be confused with the genus "meathead", the bro dude is often observed wearing his tan cargo shorts, white sneaks with the low-rise socks, an Abercrombie t-shirt, and his favorite-sports-team baseball cap, this "man" hardly qualifies as human.

As I sat on the Blue Line yesterday heading into the city, on a day when the Red Socks were playing in town, I was able to witness the idiocy of a small group of said creatures. This pack consisted of four gentlemen, one who was morbidly obese. Side note: I always feel as though the bro dude pack makes sure to ally themselves with one overweight specimen of the same mentality. Moving on, these creatures were in rare form on the train, each carrying a Poland Springs bottle that was clearly filled with clear alcohol. What ensued was a train car-full of people witnessing these fools in their natural inebriated habitat.

(not the creatures from the train, but the same sub-type)

Perhaps it was a defense mechanism that caused these guys to begin calling things aloud in the car. "Next stop, your mom!" one of them said. Seriously? Or maybe it was their need to display their dominance as a species that made them announce "Grab ya kiddies to go pet some shaaaaks!" at Aquarium Station. 

What caused this hyper-masculinity in American men?

My theory into the evolution of men into this sub-species is that their evolution was aided by straight women. Or more like, today their continued presence is fueled by straight women who find these qualities attractive in a mate. The big question is, how did men evolve from gentlemen of some degree from the turn of the century to distant, leather jacket-wearing men of the mid-century, to the bro dudes of the end of the century and present? Was this evolution of men over the century aided by the projections women put out of the type of men they were attracted to?

Nevertheless, what these bro dudes successfully do is alienate members of our society and perpetuate roles that one must fall into. For one thing, the bro dude perpetuates the role of subservient women. By treating women solely as objects of desire and remarking on the "hotness" of a specific woman, it keeps women in a cyclical role of submissiveness. This can be seen in the genus "platinum blonde bitch" which is the typical creature of mate for the bro dude. 

The bro dude also portrays a mold that all American men must fall into, and while this mold which has existed long before the bro dude walked the earth, the bro dude does nothing to combat it. The bro dude goes to push the idea that men need to be hyper-masculine and that being any other way is "abnormal" (see genus "gay male"). While many cultures uphold roles that men are "supposed" to fit into, such as the breadwinner, the warrior, or patriarch, the bro dude and American society push these roles further. While other species of the bro dude exist in countries around the world, you also find greater acceptance on men who do not fit the bro dude mold. In Europe and many Asian countries, masculinity and "manliness" is not solely measured in how many muscles you have, the uneducated way you speak (words like, "yeah man", "what up", and "-in instead of -ing"), or how many girls you can get with. Furthermore, these cultures produce men who treat women with more respect and admiration, and are not as quick to judge a man who does not fit the bro dude mold as "queer" or different.

Most bro dudes will grow out of this lifestyle choice and become full members of society upon entering their late twenties, but sadly that's not the case of all men. Some bro dudes in the family "asshole" continue to uphold this lifestyle and outlook on masculinity much into their later years. Furthermore, since this classification of man is relatively new to American society, the findings are not extensively conclusive.

Next we'll take a look at the elusive, yet trashy genus "platinum blond bitch."

No comments:

Post a Comment